Tried to sleep but couldn’t, despite having two ambiens in me. The air is very dry in here and they keep it so to minimize the risk of infection. No new symptoms, and in fact my temperature has been down to 98°. But I have all the old ones. I need to moisten my lips with petroleum jelly (manufactured in New Paltz, NY, where Mo and I had our first date – the Northern Light?) otherwise they’d stick together. I have to cough every five minutes or so. Trying to do less dilaudid – since I stated the other day I’ve become very itchy indeed, one of the side effects of the drug – a synthetic morphine. (Not sure if I wrote this already, but I am on a PCA where, within certain limits, I can self-administer the amount of pain medication I receive. My settings are a steady rate of 0.6 mg/hr, with extra shots of 0.5 mg allowed every 7 minutes. Sort of like ordering an espresso!). I am comfortable with my mouth open or closed – opening and closing it hurts my lips – but keeping it open means I dry out more quickly. Keeping it closed increases the amount of pain that I notice coming from the sores in the roof of my mouth and gums. I am, truth be told, a bit afraid to sleep since I wake up so disoriented.
On the positive side, my skin itch is much lessened as well as my bedsores. All the doctors and nurses and PCAs and other specialist staff continue to take excellent care of me here. Well, they forgot my ice cream on the dinner tray this afternoon, AGAIN! Paula took care of me and rustled some up later in the evening. Food tastes better and I’ve figured out what I like and don’t like.
I finished another exercise from “Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain.” This time of the square-rigged ship at the beginning of the Aubrey-Maturin books. This is the exercise where you copy a picture upside-down in an effort to trick the right brain stay out of it and focus on shapes, lines, and their relationship to other shapes and lines. The problem in this case is that the picture is intended as a left-brain illustration, since it names all the 21 sails – not that I know the names of all of them. I also could not stop myself from counting the gun-ports – thirteen on each side (well, on the larboard side, at least.) Towards the end, Rose came in to take my vitals and broke my concentration. When I got back into it I wanted to rush, and surprisingly this seemed to work better. I need a better picture, but not much around here.
Spent some time this afternoon fixing the links on my website and adding a few photos that I’d taken with my cell-phone. Maureen sent me a shot of the fireplace at home with stockings hung and the angels on the mantle. I have that as the wallpaper on my cell phone. Mo also sent a picture of the tree, strung with lights. Working on this stuff keeps my mind active and I don’t mind the pain so much and that means I don’t scratch so much.
When will all this go away? It’s hard to say. Dr. Sloan stopped by before leaving for the weekend and went through my hematology report. The report lists the results of tests that the lab performs on blood samples that the nurse draws daily through my portacath, every morning at 4 am. The report lists:
1) Test name. Some are obvious, for example WBC means White Blood Cell count, while others I will have to look up.
2) The actual quantitative result of the test
3) Whether the test is in the normal or abnormal range, or has changed significantly (over the last 24 hrs?)
4) The units of the measurement. WBC, for example, is measured in K/ul, which I read to mean 1000s per microliter.
For my 12/9/05 report, of the 22 tests conducted, 12 were flagged as abnormal. The key metric to look for, apparently, is WBC * POLY. When this exceed 0.5 my body will take over and clear up all my aches and pains within 24 hours. Currently, WBC = 0.23 K/ul, and POLY = 72%, so the magic metric is 0.166. Still a ways to go. I’ll start entering this in an Excel spreadsheet so I can track my progress. Measuring stuff is pretty much the same in medicine as it is in FAA Flight Standards.
Had a good night’s sleep. Got over my fear of sleeping by playing an Afrocelts CD (Volume 1, Sound Magic) followed by Seed. http://www.afrocelts.org/ Slid into blissful union with the music where it felt as if my friends were listening with me too. Slept until 4 am and woke not disoriented at all.